Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
