My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
