Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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