Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
