I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
