I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
