Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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