he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
