thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
