Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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