Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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