i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
