i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
