Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
