i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i believe in u and ur pee
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
