mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
