She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
