NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
