i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
