I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
