My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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