Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
