a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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