Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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