Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
