i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
