Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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