I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
