Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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