I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
