3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
