apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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