I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
