I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
