I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
