i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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