His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is my gift to your gina
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
