I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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