Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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