I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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