she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
