her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
