The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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