Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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