How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
