It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
