not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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