well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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