Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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