had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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