so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
