I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
