The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
