; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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