Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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