I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
