My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
